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Our Wounds. Our Healing.

10/19/2017

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The surfacing of the wounds we share. Its been palpable. That which is screaming and to be healed among us, within us. The painful histories we, individually and collectively have been carrying, hiding, trying to forget, yet that show up in countless other ways further exacerbating and relocating the hurt.

When we are unaware of our wounds, everything is impacted. From the beliefs we hold, the relationships we choose, the behaviors we engage in, to how we view ourselves in the world and those around us. If we are operating as a victim, others generally pose a threat to our security and to feel safe, we build a wall around our heart, existing in a state of fear. Conversely, if we have taken the position of martyr, we are likely to act in ways that attempt to control, neglect, dominate, abuse or demean others. In either case, disconnection from the flow of compassion and the ability to see ourselves in another is obscured.

As greater awareness of our collective hurt arises, and its need to be tended to, a reflection of our inner landscapes can be found. As daunting of a task it may seem, if we want to to see healing in the larger picture exist within, we must start with our selves. We must look at our own triggers and our maladaptive coping mechanisms. We must get honest with the darkness we thought we could wish away, and hold space for it all the while.

To start the journey, can be as simple (though not necessarily “easy”) as saying "yes". "I am ready to get to work". What we will find as we step into intentional healing is that we will pave a new path of possibility and perspective, and ultimately we begin to shift our inner and larger reality. The path will look different for everyone, and that’s ok. Most importantly it’s about getting really willing to listen and be present in the process, and see what calls to you in forms of support and guidance.

As we individually heal, what collectively we see (and even if unseen, trust that is happening) is a bigger picture of healing that comes into focus, though similar to a Herxheimer reaction (also known as a “healing crisis” / when the body gets worse before it gets better), it will be uncomfortable and painful. We very well will want to give up. Yet as we tend to these tender places and bring them to the light, a history of trauma can be released and cleared for future generations to come.

​When we acknowledge both the reality of pain and the possibility of healing, when we begin to see our role as beings together on the path of discovering our inherent wholeness, no matter how far off track we have gotten, we can see we are all here for the same journey, together. From this point of recognition, we can honor the lessons and make manifest, the deep yearning in our souls.

Just as a pebble thrown into a lake creates a succession of ripples extending beyond its initial place of contact, our relationship to our pain and our willingness to see it, and bring it to the light, affects the whole body of water that we exist in. And as we get free, we support others to do the same.

It’s not an easy task. To choose healing and stand in love, but it’s our right, our purpose and it has the power to change everything.

Love and blessings,
Meghan

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The Revolution of Awakening

8/7/2017

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A revolution is calling and it starts with you.

Whether we like it or not, we are being called to wake up. Perhaps we have been feeling it for sometime now, but now more than ever is the time to honor what is showing up and wanting to emerge. As significant energetic shifts and planetary events occur, they also occur within, and regardless of having an interest in these type of things, these evolutionary game changers are bound to be felt on some level or another.

​Perhaps they have felt like rumblings of truth bubbling to the surface. A rejection of old ways. An intolerance to that which is heavy, negative and incongruent with something seeming more authentic to who you really are, however blurred behind the trappings of identity that may be. Or perhaps a clinging to that which makes you feel safe and certain, a feeling of overwhelm or a desire to tune out. All of these bristly rubs or (impulses to numb) are actually clues to help you awaken and the first thing that is needed to make sense of any of it is to simply start to pay attention. Why?

Because your light is needed.

And when we ignore the callings of our Soul we dim the light that is needed to fulfill the purpose of why we are here, to help others do the same and help heal the suffering in the world. Each one of us is a powerful piece to this puzzle, and are worthy of living as the brightest light of who we are and to shine for one another. What a shame it would be if we all were to stay dim in our radiance, to live in rejection of what we are meant to be.

Ok. So now what ?

To make way for an awakening, means that we must get to work, becoming the miners for the gold within and the alchemist of that which does not serve the highest narrative of our souls contract. It means that change must be made and an inner revolution must occur so that no matter what, we will keep digging and no matter what we will continue to till the soil so our Truth can bloom, and let go of the stories anyone else wants or expects from us, along with the ones we have been telling ourselves. By seeking out our own deep, perfectly imperfect and noble warrior/ress story, we step into the role the one we were made to play all along.

Getting there means we will need to begin saying yes to each and every inner calling that craves more of the energy, the passions and the people that makes us come alive and awaken to our magic. We must explore the curious nature of our wild and hungry soul and set fire to that which keeps us asleep.
We must be willing to say no to what does not resonate or sit right and be fierce protectors of our energy. And most importantly we must make the decision that we have had enough of the conditioned and limiting beliefs that tell us to settle and resign for some half assed, hum drum version of existence, once and for all.

Fear is abound and wants to keep us small and it is easier to live in default mode, avoiding the risk that comes with blossoming, keeping the blinders on to another possibility, but if you are still reading this, I have a feeling you are wanting and ready for something more. That you know there is so much more and have either already started to tap into it and are ready and wanting to dive in. Like Bruno’s resolute conviction of an infinite universe (in a world that believed it was the only one) and his willingness to stand in his truth despite charges of heresy (and eventual execution), we must commit to our knowing in a bold way, knowing that even though it may (and it will) create friction and judgement as it challenges the status quo, that we must soldier on in pursuit of our souls message.

So dear Souldiers, some tips for your awakening :


  1. Find stillness. Yep. The surest way to connect to your own truth is to sit and be with yourself. Listen for those moments of clarity and rest in the spaces in between thought and judgement. Carve out time daily to do this and do not waver in your commitment, even when you miss a day. Providing your Self this sacred time is the foundation for your awakening to flourish.
  2. Open your heart. Every day do something that connects you to your heart. Whether it is simply sitting up tall, drawing your shoulder blades together, and feeling your sternum rise to the heavens and the stiffness in your chest begin to loosen, or practicing yoga or a guided meditation, open, and connect. The heart is the gateway to your soul and offers a refuge from a worried mind. When we connect to the heart we get to the root of what matters and is worthy of our attention.
  3. Make space. Create an environment for yourself where you feel more free. Declutter and let go of all of the things you really do not need and that create distraction for you to be more present. Something shifts when we say, "I don't need this. This no longer serves me", and that applies to thoughts, habits and relationships as well. When we become willing to release the things that get in the way of spaciousness, we create conscious space for what is most valuable to flow in.
  4. Consume wisely. What we focus our energy on, and what we let in, plays a huge factor in how "clear” we will be. When we start to look at what we invite into our bodies, minds and spirits we empower ourselves to rise above overwhelm and over saturation. This means setting boundaries as far as what/how much media we take in, to what accounts we follow, to what news we read/watch and what relationships we invest in. If we are constantly ingesting the energy of fear and negativity , fear and negativity will be that much harder to override. Your essence at its core is love and wants more of what brings that essence forth. As you become more connected to this frequency that which is in opposition to it will become that much more clear.
  5. Clear it out. The Standard American diet is latent with heavy, deadening foods that leave a literal toxic residue inside of you that not only creates a feeling of stagnation (that may not even seem unusual by now) that is reeking havoc on your energetic (and there for physical, psychological and spiritual health). Cleansing and refining your diet can be one the most powerful things you can do to find an enhanced mind, body and spirit connection. It's a hard truth to swallow, but enlightenment just isn't coming from junk food and sweets.
  6. Move your body. Explore the freedom that comes alive when you feel into different spaces within you. The forgotten pieces. The joyous flowing river that wants to spring forth. Dance or do yoga. Run or ride a bicycle. It seems pretty simple yet so many of us are sedentary, moving in rigid and routine ways that keeps the energy stuck when it really needs to be shaken up, and released so energy can flow more freely and allow the light of spirit to shine through .
  7. Create ritual. Ritual helps us to come back to the simple act of doing what we’re doing with purpose and with reverence. When we live in ritual and honor practices that help us to connect to deeper levels of consciousness we move away from habitual and mindless ways of going about our day that make the flow of spirit less accessible.
  8. Connect with nature. We are nature, and so if we are to discover and celebrate the nature of who we are, we must connect to the reflections of our truth that can be seen and felt in the natural world in which we live. When we are surrounded by fresh air, signing birds, bodies of water, desert flowers, or simply feeling the earth beneath our feet, we are ever so quickly brought into remembering our connection to everything, thus reminding us we are not alone and are graciously being supported.
  9. Listen and look for guidance. As you become more connected to your truth, you will find that what you need to know will come to you. Perhaps not right when you want, but just wait and you will see that it will be in perfect timing. The answers you are seeking are there be it through encounters, conversations, articles or literal “signs” and they will be there to guide you if you are to stay open.
  10. Be patient and heal. This process brings up lots of shadows that you will have to look at, but they are there to be acknowledged, cradled and released. We won't be getting anywhere if all the yucky stuff that comes up just gets pushed back down the channel, further blocking our radiance. Be willing to be uncomfortable for a bit to heal the wounds so you can get to your luminous core.
  11. Treat your self. You deserve it. Setting aside time specifically for you is so important as you do this often challenging work required of transformation. Massage, energy work, yoga, going on retreat, all of these things are gifts that go a long way and will nourish you through these growing pains, facilitate clearing and deepen your connection to your worthy Self.
  12. Fall in love with the truth of who you are. As you catch glimpses and experience flowing in your authenticity, know that magical presence within you, is you and needs no changing, just more TLC!!!! It may catch you off guard, to feel so damn mighty, but don’t deny yourself the light of who you are and have come here to share with the world. It is needed and waiting to be affirmed. When we are in love with the divine spark within we can be in love with the divine spark throughout existence, living in celebration and testimony to all of creation. And that is how the ultimate revolution is born. ​
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Our Tiniest of Teachers

1/10/2017

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This morning started out fairly typical trying to get Leela ready for school. During the many steps of preparation there is always bound to be a detour and it can at times be quite a challenge to keep my cool when there seems to be so many obstacles to overcome to just get out the door. Today, when she was "supposed" to be getting dressed I found her reading a book (called "How to be Happy") - it is a book with lots of great crafts and activities and is part of the amazing Relax Kids series. I always love when I find her reading by herself and though I didn't want to discourage her behavior, I reminded her that there was a time to read and the time was not when we are trying to get to school and are running late. She then asked me to leave her alone. I was a little upset at this point, feeling frustrated that she was not cooperating, but once she was dressed I gave her some space and went downstairs.

​As I prepared breakfast, she ran around getting her scissors, and tape, working intently on her "secret" project. Again, I was thinking, "this is not the time for this", though I tried my best to respect her creative burst and just step back and release my grip a little. Just as it was time to eat some of her breakfast before we rushed out the door, she said, "I have a surprise for you Mommy". She then handed to me a picture, replete with cut out mountains, drawings of clouds and a sun and a hand written message that said "I love you Mom". She then explained to me that she made it to make me happy and showed me the page of the book she had been reading from. It was a section on activities "How to do Nice Things for Mum and Dad"). I stood there, humbled and grateful. I also felt some guilt surface, like "I can't believe I was getting so frustrated when all she was trying to do was make me something and tell me she loved me".

It got me thinking about how as parents we have these expectations of our kids, and a lot of them have to do with what is convenient for us, what is going to make us feel like we are still in charge, like we have kids that listen to us. When these expectations are not met it can create a backlash of feelings and reactions like "I must be doing something wrong" or "if they would just cooperate I wouldn't have to get so irritated". Another common reaction is this feeling of being tested. How often have we said "don't test me" or something similar to our child? Though I didn't pull that one out this morning, I certainly felt like she was testing me. Like her behavior was not just her doing her own thing, but was being done in opposition to what I wanted her to do - that she was just being difficult to be difficult.

When I looked at the colorful creation, her industrious and crafty use of construction paper, glue and crayon I realized that the whole time I was feeling tested, she was simply trying to show her love for me and make me happy (quite the opposite of to "make me mad" as I had been feeling). It made me recall what has always philosophically felt true to me as a parent in that, though it may feel counterintuitive to step back, when kids are allowed some freedom and room to exert their independence they will establish healthy behaviors themselves, such as taking time to do something nice for someone.


What a lesson.

How many times in a day do we feel like whatever is happening is inconveniencing us, when it actually it may be a gift, literally in the works? We, myself very much included, can be so self centered in our view of what is happening, completely altering the reality of what is actually taking place. Our perspective and attitude can change everything in our ability to receive love and the lessons that get us closer to our heart. And while we can't do away with order and schedules all together, our daily efforts to soften and our commitment to be less attached to outcomes may very well make space for less frustration and some amazing surprises.

We managed to make it to school only a few minutes late, but it was worth the surprise for sure.
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Body Love After Baby                                 

4/8/2016

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At 3 and a half weeks postpartum and as I begin to move beyond the bubble of new baby bliss, reality is setting in. Most of my non maternity clothes display quite clearly where my nearly 10 lb baby was not too long ago. And sure, that makes sense. And truly, I am in awe of my body, of the female form and how incredibly wise it is, how it has already, on its’ own begun to resume to its former shape. Though, I hesitate in even saying "resume" as to imply there is a going back, or a returning to. I am, and my body after all, are changed.

And while I can admit that this is definitely not how I want to look long term, some sadness surfaced when thinking about letting this rendering of me go. My body, in its plump and relaxed state, stands as a reminder of the home it was to my babe, which offered comfort as we eased into a new phase of life, no longer physically entwined but still very much existing together.

The postpartum period is sacred. While popular culture may have us believing otherwise, it is not something we need to be rushing out of. Just as I worked to nurture and care for myself to prepare for birth, it has been equally important for me to go easy on myself in these weeks that have followed and give myself time to say thank you to my body and honor all that it has been through before placing any extreme demands on it. For I know deep down (even as I currently grow more and more uncomfortable with the way I am “wearing” the past 10 months) that my body is something to be awed and appreciated not hurried and criticized.

So I write this and post this picture with some hesitation in that I do not want to create any felt sense of competition within myself nor within anyone else, but to simply document where I am starting from as I make my way back into a hopeful and fairly regular yoga practice. . Perhaps other things will be included in this journey, but for now, it is just me, my yoga mat and my intention to love myself through it.


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3/22/2016

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Coming Home - A Homebirth



Our bodies are infinitely wise, containing and expressing the evolution of our sweet beginning and preset existence. When we physically separated from our Mother, it was up to this foundation of creation to support the path of growth to follow. It is this wisdom, enriched with spirit, that inspires and ignites so much of the work that I do and the life that I live. My choice to share these images and my experience with giving birth to my youngest daughter is done with the intention neither to boast nor make a statement about what is “right” for anyone else when it comes to their birth, but to shed light on what may be possible and what may be reclaimed when we are given the space to explore, know and trust our innately smart and powerful bodies. I am drawn to be open with my home birth experience because I think it is a beautiful and important one, but not a magical or extraordinary one. We have sadly been lead to believe this though. That "natural" birth is a an experience only for the "lucky"....... or for the "crazy", the "hippie" or the "martyr" types. The truth is, is that natural birth is how we were created to birth. If there is anything magical about it, it is that nature is magical, in the sense, that what seems impossible, becomes possible!

Five years ago when I became pregnant with my daughter Leela I specifically recall saying "I am sure I will need to get an epidural". Where did I get that thought from? We cannot possibly be born with this belief that the one primary purpose of our body is not something it is actually capable of performing, can we? At that point in my life, while I was health conscious, I had not yet made the connection nor exist fully in the conversation of mind, body, spirit. I did not trust the stuff I was made of, at least not enough to bring another human being into this world without believing it would be a terrifying, painful experience. Most stories about birth that I heard or saw depicted, with the exception of a few, seemed to always carry a certain amount of drama, involving epidurals, inductions, cesareans, forceps along with long drawn out periods of laboring in anguish. None of this sounded appealing to me, but there I was pregnant, and having to face the fact that I was quite fearful of giving birth, reconciling how I was going to address that. So my plan early on, was that I would do what I needed to do, to make it less scary going into it, and if that meant telling myself I would get an epidural, I would. And that was okay. And coming to that decision felt fine. Completely justifiable.

It wasn't until I saw the documentary, The Business of Being Born, that I began to really look at birth differently - reconsidering some of the beliefs I had and the preemptive decisions I had made based on what I thought I was capable of, or incapable of for that matter. From that point forward I questioned and confronted the roots of my fears regarding giving birth. As I read about natural births, I desired more and more to have that experience myself. I eventually signed my Husband and I up for a series of Hypno-birthing classes as I was becoming increasingly aware that a desire to have a natural birth is not the golden ticket in making one possible. While, yes, our bodies were made to birth, after all of the conditioning we have experienced and due to the medical protocols that are in place, a natural birth requires a fair deal of preparation and dedication to really see it through and to allow the natural process unfold.

In the Hypno-birthing classes not only were my Husband and I able to receive valuable guidance and resources to support and envision our ideal birth, but I was finally able to acknowledge that the fear I had about giving birth, was not truly my own. That the idea that birth was scary, gross, ugly, painful - that it was something to be endured but certainly not to be enjoyed, was a cultural imprint that I was free to let go of. Provided I rely on the information and ideas I had previously been drawing from, my chances of having a birth I felt empowered by and not fearful of, would be unlikely. But what if I reconsidered what was possible? What if I inundated myself with the stories, messages and images of birth as a beautiful empowering experience? What if I began to invest more in the belief that my body was capable, strong and wise and may not need any altering?

I spent the second half of my pregnancy challenging my fears and letting them go. I practiced yoga, meditation and visualizations to help me prepare for my daughters birth. My husband and I had a solid birth plan to protect my hopes at the hospital where my he would be my advocate. When the day came, I felt in charge mentally, physically and spiritually and was willing and ready to surrender to the wisdom I then knew and believed was within me. That day, part of me woke up, and I truly felt I had experienced becoming one with my body and the divine energy of life. I gave birth to my daughter in the way I had intended and that felt honored my gift as a creator. For that experience I am forever grateful.

When I got pregnant a second time this past summer, I was sure I would be returning to the same resources, and beliefs about birth that guided me so much the first time around. Thoughts of giving birth actually excited me and while I considered going to the same hospital (which so respectfully honored my wishes for my fist birth to be natural) as before, I desired the experience of being home where I could truly let the free and natural process of birth unfold without any possibility of being persuaded to have otherwise, of course unless absolutely necessary.

I can’t say enough about the midwives who I saw throughout my pregnancy and who were present for Juniper Wren’s birth. The work they do allows mamas to create a sacred space where we may be liberated from the pressures and objectives of others, feel supported and connect deeply with our bodies wisdom and power. It is in this spirit that I share this part of me and this day that I had the incredible opportunity to birth my baby how I desired and intended, at home and where I was surrounded by tremendous loving energy to see us through to our sweet first meeting.

If you are interested in learning more please contact me or use some of these great resources;
Birthwise Midwifery @ www.birthwise-midwifery.com/
Hypnobirthing @ www.hypnobirthing.com/
Natural Birth info @ www.givingbirthnaturally.com/
Saturday March 12th 2016
I awoke at 5:30 am. My body relaxed yet awake with a warmth radiating from within and a
gentle message, pulsing through me saying "today is the day". One week "early" but feeling
so on time, I joyfully accepted the invitation of my lil' one  to join her in her arrival,
allowing the process, the day and our story to unfold.

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Juniper Wren was born at 2:56 pm weighing 9 lbs 13 oz, healthy and happy.

Photos by Olivia J. Fite
Midwifery - Birthwise

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