The surfacing of the wounds we share. Its been palpable. That which is screaming and to be healed among us, within us. The painful histories we, individually and collectively have been carrying, hiding, trying to forget, yet that show up in countless other ways further exacerbating and relocating the hurt.
When we are unaware of our wounds, everything is impacted. From the beliefs we hold, the relationships we choose, the behaviors we engage in, to how we view ourselves in the world and those around us. If we are operating as a victim, others generally pose a threat to our security and to feel safe, we build a wall around our heart, existing in a state of fear. Conversely, if we have taken the position of martyr, we are likely to act in ways that attempt to control, neglect, dominate, abuse or demean others. In either case, disconnection from the flow of compassion and the ability to see ourselves in another is obscured.
As greater awareness of our collective hurt arises, and its need to be tended to, a reflection of our inner landscapes can be found. As daunting of a task it may seem, if we want to to see healing in the larger picture exist within, we must start with our selves. We must look at our own triggers and our maladaptive coping mechanisms. We must get honest with the darkness we thought we could wish away, and hold space for it all the while.
To start the journey, can be as simple (though not necessarily “easy”) as saying "yes". "I am ready to get to work". What we will find as we step into intentional healing is that we will pave a new path of possibility and perspective, and ultimately we begin to shift our inner and larger reality. The path will look different for everyone, and that’s ok. Most importantly it’s about getting really willing to listen and be present in the process, and see what calls to you in forms of support and guidance.
As we individually heal, what collectively we see (and even if unseen, trust that is happening) is a bigger picture of healing that comes into focus, though similar to a Herxheimer reaction (also known as a “healing crisis” / when the body gets worse before it gets better), it will be uncomfortable and painful. We very well will want to give up. Yet as we tend to these tender places and bring them to the light, a history of trauma can be released and cleared for future generations to come.
When we acknowledge both the reality of pain and the possibility of healing, when we begin to see our role as beings together on the path of discovering our inherent wholeness, no matter how far off track we have gotten, we can see we are all here for the same journey, together. From this point of recognition, we can honor the lessons and make manifest, the deep yearning in our souls.
Just as a pebble thrown into a lake creates a succession of ripples extending beyond its initial place of contact, our relationship to our pain and our willingness to see it, and bring it to the light, affects the whole body of water that we exist in. And as we get free, we support others to do the same.
It’s not an easy task. To choose healing and stand in love, but it’s our right, our purpose and it has the power to change everything.
Love and blessings,
A revolution is calling and it starts with you.
Whether we like it or not, we are being called to wake up. Perhaps we have been feeling it for sometime now, but now more than ever is the time to honor what is showing up and wanting to emerge. As significant energetic shifts and planetary events occur, they also occur within, and regardless of having an interest in these type of things, these evolutionary game changers are bound to be felt on some level or another.
Perhaps they have felt like rumblings of truth bubbling to the surface. A rejection of old ways. An intolerance to that which is heavy, negative and incongruent with something seeming more authentic to who you really are, however blurred behind the trappings of identity that may be. Or perhaps a clinging to that which makes you feel safe and certain, a feeling of overwhelm or a desire to tune out. All of these bristly rubs or (impulses to numb) are actually clues to help you awaken and the first thing that is needed to make sense of any of it is to simply start to pay attention. Why?
Because your light is needed.
And when we ignore the callings of our Soul we dim the light that is needed to fulfill the purpose of why we are here, to help others do the same and help heal the suffering in the world. Each one of us is a powerful piece to this puzzle, and are worthy of living as the brightest light of who we are and to shine for one another. What a shame it would be if we all were to stay dim in our radiance, to live in rejection of what we are meant to be.
Ok. So now what ?
To make way for an awakening, means that we must get to work, becoming the miners for the gold within and the alchemist of that which does not serve the highest narrative of our souls contract. It means that change must be made and an inner revolution must occur so that no matter what, we will keep digging and no matter what we will continue to till the soil so our Truth can bloom, and let go of the stories anyone else wants or expects from us, along with the ones we have been telling ourselves. By seeking out our own deep, perfectly imperfect and noble warrior/ress story, we step into the role the one we were made to play all along.
Getting there means we will need to begin saying yes to each and every inner calling that craves more of the energy, the passions and the people that makes us come alive and awaken to our magic. We must explore the curious nature of our wild and hungry soul and set fire to that which keeps us asleep. We must be willing to say no to what does not resonate or sit right and be fierce protectors of our energy. And most importantly we must make the decision that we have had enough of the conditioned and limiting beliefs that tell us to settle and resign for some half assed, hum drum version of existence, once and for all.
Fear is abound and wants to keep us small and it is easier to live in default mode, avoiding the risk that comes with blossoming, keeping the blinders on to another possibility, but if you are still reading this, I have a feeling you are wanting and ready for something more. That you know there is so much more and have either already started to tap into it and are ready and wanting to dive in. Like Bruno’s resolute conviction of an infinite universe (in a world that believed it was the only one) and his willingness to stand in his truth despite charges of heresy (and eventual execution), we must commit to our knowing in a bold way, knowing that even though it may (and it will) create friction and judgement as it challenges the status quo, that we must soldier on in pursuit of our souls message.
So dear Souldiers, some tips for your awakening :
This morning started out fairly typical trying to get Leela ready for school. During the many steps of preparation there is always bound to be a detour and it can at times be quite a challenge to keep my cool when there seems to be so many obstacles to overcome to just get out the door. Today, when she was "supposed" to be getting dressed I found her reading a book (called "How to be Happy") - it is a book with lots of great crafts and activities and is part of the amazing Relax Kids series. I always love when I find her reading by herself and though I didn't want to discourage her behavior, I reminded her that there was a time to read and the time was not when we are trying to get to school and are running late. She then asked me to leave her alone. I was a little upset at this point, feeling frustrated that she was not cooperating, but once she was dressed I gave her some space and went downstairs.
As I prepared breakfast, she ran around getting her scissors, and tape, working intently on her "secret" project. Again, I was thinking, "this is not the time for this", though I tried my best to respect her creative burst and just step back and release my grip a little. Just as it was time to eat some of her breakfast before we rushed out the door, she said, "I have a surprise for you Mommy". She then handed to me a picture, replete with cut out mountains, drawings of clouds and a sun and a hand written message that said "I love you Mom". She then explained to me that she made it to make me happy and showed me the page of the book she had been reading from. It was a section on activities "How to do Nice Things for Mum and Dad"). I stood there, humbled and grateful. I also felt some guilt surface, like "I can't believe I was getting so frustrated when all she was trying to do was make me something and tell me she loved me".
It got me thinking about how as parents we have these expectations of our kids, and a lot of them have to do with what is convenient for us, what is going to make us feel like we are still in charge, like we have kids that listen to us. When these expectations are not met it can create a backlash of feelings and reactions like "I must be doing something wrong" or "if they would just cooperate I wouldn't have to get so irritated". Another common reaction is this feeling of being tested. How often have we said "don't test me" or something similar to our child? Though I didn't pull that one out this morning, I certainly felt like she was testing me. Like her behavior was not just her doing her own thing, but was being done in opposition to what I wanted her to do - that she was just being difficult to be difficult.
When I looked at the colorful creation, her industrious and crafty use of construction paper, glue and crayon I realized that the whole time I was feeling tested, she was simply trying to show her love for me and make me happy (quite the opposite of to "make me mad" as I had been feeling). It made me recall what has always philosophically felt true to me as a parent in that, though it may feel counterintuitive to step back, when kids are allowed some freedom and room to exert their independence they will establish healthy behaviors themselves, such as taking time to do something nice for someone.
What a lesson.
How many times in a day do we feel like whatever is happening is inconveniencing us, when it actually it may be a gift, literally in the works? We, myself very much included, can be so self centered in our view of what is happening, completely altering the reality of what is actually taking place. Our perspective and attitude can change everything in our ability to receive love and the lessons that get us closer to our heart. And while we can't do away with order and schedules all together, our daily efforts to soften and our commitment to be less attached to outcomes may very well make space for less frustration and some amazing surprises.
We managed to make it to school only a few minutes late, but it was worth the surprise for sure.
At 3 and a half weeks postpartum and as I begin to move beyond the bubble of new baby bliss, reality is setting in. Most of my non maternity clothes display quite clearly where my nearly 10 lb baby was not too long ago. And sure, that makes sense. And truly, I am in awe of my body, of the female form and how incredibly wise it is, how it has already, on its’ own begun to resume to its former shape. Though, I hesitate in even saying "resume" as to imply there is a going back, or a returning to. I am, and my body after all, are changed.
And while I can admit that this is definitely not how I want to look long term, some sadness surfaced when thinking about letting this rendering of me go. My body, in its plump and relaxed state, stands as a reminder of the home it was to my babe, which offered comfort as we eased into a new phase of life, no longer physically entwined but still very much existing together.
The postpartum period is sacred. While popular culture may have us believing otherwise, it is not something we need to be rushing out of. Just as I worked to nurture and care for myself to prepare for birth, it has been equally important for me to go easy on myself in these weeks that have followed and give myself time to say thank you to my body and honor all that it has been through before placing any extreme demands on it. For I know deep down (even as I currently grow more and more uncomfortable with the way I am “wearing” the past 10 months) that my body is something to be awed and appreciated not hurried and criticized.
So I write this and post this picture with some hesitation in that I do not want to create any felt sense of competition within myself nor within anyone else, but to simply document where I am starting from as I make my way back into a hopeful and fairly regular yoga practice. . Perhaps other things will be included in this journey, but for now, it is just me, my yoga mat and my intention to love myself through it.